Counting Down with You

My mind is elastic. It snaps. You mend the edges

March BOTM read from the desi romance book club!

It is an understatement to say how much I can relate to Karina, teenager me went through the same.

EVERYTHING ABOUT THE BOOK IS BELOW, YOU'RE WARNED

The book

Karina is a Bangladeshi teenager who wants to be buried in books more than anything else. Though the dream is not supported, she thinks she will get there one day. Even if her parents say:

Make sure to behave properly and try to spend more time studying than reading these silly little books

So when her parents go on a one month long trip away, Karina can't control the happiness behind the freedom she gets:

Even though I know it's wrong, all I feel is relief

Karina's bestfriends Nandhini (a Sikh Indian) and Cora (a half Chinese) are always supportive of her. Especially when she decided to go out with the crop tops that Karina:

hiding these in the back of my dresser for months

didn't let out before. Because of the issues her parents give her, Karina has anxiety:

The smallest hint of disapproval always sets off my anxiety

and she knows that she will be disowned if she tried to do something that isn't accepted by her parents:

When I do break the rules, the hellish screaming that comes afterward is hardly ever worth it

Even if her parents are not around, she knows:

My parents aren't here now, so I have more freedom than before, but that doesn't mean I can do whatever I want

that she shouldn't do anything to get herself scolded because of the rules in her household even though it is tiring to follow them every single day.

She is then approached by her teacher Ms Cannon to tutor her classmate and even though she knows she'd get into trouble she doesn't want to let more people down so she accepted. But the person she's supposed to tutor is:

I barely know Ace Clyde, but tutoring him sounds like my worst nightmare. He’s notorious for slacking off

doesn't get along with studying. Despite the clear non interest, she still decided to tutor and:

I sit in the library, waiting for a whole thirty minutes, and he doesn’t show up

he doesn't even appear for it. So when she sees him the next time, she asks him:

You’re here to study? After you tossed my study guide in the recycling bin?

She tries her best but Ace has no interest in studying at all, unless its Karina. He ticks her off, he distracts her and he constantly insists on studying at the dessert shop out of school.

As this repeats, Karina starts to see no hope. Especially if all Ace does is:

There’s a spark in you, Karina Ahmed

talk about her and not English

"I want to know what makes you come alive", he says, leaning even closer but he’s grinning now

Karina can't stop the friendship that forms in between them, even though she tries and holds back a lot. Even as Ace asks her about why does she have to abide by the rules:

There are certain things I will never be able to do, and I’m not in the mood to explain our cultural differences to him

So when Karina was invited by Ace to his house for the tutoring, she saw all the red signs:

I’d sooner die than tell my parents that I’m going to a boy’s house unsupervised

and also was pressured into eating together with his family for dinner:

We eat on a strange schedule, where lunch is whenever you come home and dinner is an hour before you sleep

And then Ace decided to drop a bomb that he's dating Karina though it's not true, not only at the table but on Facebook too. Which makes Karina freak the hell out:

My parents would kill me if I ever dated anyone, even if it’s just pretend

She's not ready for what comes after:

Pretending to date Ace Clyde means a tsunami of problems I’m not equipped to deal with

because he's the rich kid after all. But she soon agrees mostly because of his dimples. Such high resistance she has.

Also, would anyone on gr like to do this?

Ace is hot and he’s offering to buy her books

I promise to treat them well.
So they start this pretense with Cora and Nandhini in the loop of course but it's difficult to act when it's starting to look too much like reality.

Like for instance when she is invited to a double date with Ace's stepsister Mia and her girlfriend:

But we’re not...dating, Ace

Though somehow Ace manages to persuade her:

Goodreads recently informed me that several books from my TBR list released this week

that he'd be getting her books. Is there even a function like that from goodreads, why am I not aware of this??

From then on, it's a lot of mutual glances and blushing. And the eventual realisation that:

And yet, despite knowing that, I think I might have feelings for Ace Clyde

So when Cora and Nandhini start teasing her about it she gets anxious because she knows it will never be approved:

But sometimes I wonder if they want me to do well for me, or if they want me to do well for them. If all my accomplishments are for their pleasure, rather than mine. How can they justify everything I’ve had to go through? All the times they stripped my freedom from me?

And its not just for the dating aspect.

When the anxiety gets too much, she calls in sick for school and Ace appears at the door with soup. And he wants to see the Bollywood movie Karina was watching:

Yeah. I’m not going to make you change movies because I’m here. What’s happened so far?

Ace was just an ordinary boy until this. Someone who wants to watch the same movie I was watching halfway even though they're not familiar with the language? Sign me the fuck up.

Grandma noticed the close relationship the both had and said:

Just be careful, Myra. I don’t want to see this end poorly for you

and that sucks for Karina. Even as Ace tells her that she has to start living for herself, she's afraid to make her own decisions:

They’re the reason I’m here. They’ve done so much for me. I can’t—I can’t just throw that back in their faces

Every time someone reminds me how out of place my relationship with Ace is, my heart sinks lower and lower

I know how tough it is to feel like you don't belong with someone just because of your culture or family.

So when Karina decides to take the leap, though I know she will hurt, it feels like hope. So she confessed her feelings and decided to go on a date. A real date. During which Ace shares his own truth:

I was telling you to live your life for yourself when I wasn’t living my own that way. And you were right about how that was a very privileged way to see things. We’re from two different worlds...but that doesn’t mean they can’t overlap. Even if it’s just one small, tiny inch. That’s enough for me

Wow Ace is maturing up really quick.

So their fake feelings turned real and while Karina has the support of everyone else around including her grandma and brother, her parents are still not on her side. She finds it difficult to carry on but when she sees Ace stand up to his brother for gaslighting and:

Stop blaming me for things that are out of my hands

she decides to talk to her brother about their parents as well.

And her brother is shocked to know about her feelings:

If they could have two of you, they would do it in a heartbeat. They’re so hard on me because of that. Sometimes, I can’t even breathe around them, because I’m worried they’ll tell me I’m doing it wrong

but decides to be a better brother by opening his eyes a little wider. So as a better brother he asks her if:

is this thing with Ace really worth it?

because he thinks it would never be approved.

That is a bigger worry for Karina especially with less than a week for her parents to return from their trip. When Ace asks her what happens after graduating:

Knowing them, they’ll probably start looking for potential husbands when I graduate from college

and he becomes angry at how much Karina has to give up for them:

Is it enough to have their love, even if it means hiding who you really are?

With everything on the line she tells her parents after they're back about her true ambition and the reaction she got was:

Your dad and I have worked tirelessly so you could have a better future and you want to throw it away for an English degree? How can you be so ungrateful for all we’ve done for you?

Poor girl.

Her grandma finally took control of the situation and made Karina talk about it to her parents:

I talked to my parents again, but with Dadu’s help this time. I convinced them to let me study English

and Grandma gave them a good scolding. Karina got her green light to go ahead with her ambition. With her new found happiness, Karina gets Ace back and that's how it ends.

So why I gave this book 3 stars is because of the unnecessary length of the book. I know that sharing Karina's feelings are important but some were just fillers with a few sentences. I had difficulty getting into the book because of how boring it sounded. Ace and Karina felt like a product of circumstances that just fell into place. Ace was more and more intrigued by her because of how her parents are towards her, it did not feel genuine. It was far too rushed and honestly Ace felt like a subplot to me that didn't need to be included, my focus was all on Karina. But, I do understand why he's needed because he was the push Karina needed to let go. The ending felt incomplete to me at the sudden ending. It felt like the story wasn't wrapped up properly and the buildup to lead to the climax faded away when the conflict ended in seconds. I thought she'd speak up on her own without any interference and when she didn't the story became very mediocre. The entire story was about her fighting for herself but when her Grandmother stepped in I felt like it wasn't kept up to the plotline. It is definitely an important book though especially for teenagers who are of similar culture/family backgrounds and it carries an important message of self love and fighting for yourself but it wasn't entirely achieved in this book.

This book made laugh, cry and scream into my pillow. I hope everyone who reads this books finds their Ace Clyde